People often tell me that I’m “oozing with confidence”, or that I have a “very strong personality”. After hearing this I would just smile to myself because I was not always this way. My struggle with confidence started a very long time ago. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always looked “different”. My head was too big, my hands were too big and so were my nose, lips, shoulders, breasts and feet. I struggled with my weight a lot, causing me to be the biggest person in my class at any given time. I’ve always worn glasses. I didn’t grow up on name brand clothes. I have a very unique body type that I absolutely hated. Guys would almost always overlook me. Lets just say junior high into high school I was very self conscious and very insecure.
This self conscious and insecure spirit followed me all the way to college. During undergrad I got into a relationship (that I shouldn’t have been in), decided to go on birth control (because ain’t no babies over here) and ended up gaining a lot weight. More weight than I realized at the time. After going through a really bad break up, mixed with the stress of grad school, I knew it was time to begin my “Self Love Journey” and I started taking care of me. I started off with daily affirmations of positivity. I changed my diet, started going to the gym, got rid of my birth control and quickly began losing all of the weight. I started dressing up and going out more, took myself out on dates (movies, dinner, museums). I read blogs and articles that focused on self-love and began to really work on developing my own relationship with God. And you know what, I even went to therapy. I watched my confidence grow from nothing, to the point where I no longer recognized my sad, overweight (old) self. I had changed not only physically, but spiritually and mentally as well.
Since then I’ve become extremely comfortable in my skin. My features that once made me insecure and self-conscious, are now the same features that I love and embrace. It took me years to get to where I am today, to feel how I feel about myself, to love me for me, but I am so grateful. The journey of self-love is on-going. You don’t just get to a certain point in your journey and then stop. You have to keep growing, learning more and more about yourself, improving. Here are some important things to remember while you are on your journey.
People (some) are afraid of confidence.
I know this may sound super strange, but trust me it’s true. “Confidence” is often mistaken for “arrogance”. People see someone with what they assume to be “too much confidence” and automatically label that the person as “arrogant” or “full of themselves”. One thing is for sure, I’ve been through enough to know who I am and what I want in this life. Please do not mistake my confidence for arrogance, I’m just really sure of myself.
Confidence does NOT grow on trees.
You cannot walk into a store and buy a bag of confidence. Confidence isn’t something you can pre-order off Amazon or inherit from your parents. By definition, confidence is the feeling of self-assurance that come’s from one’s appreciation of their own abilities or qualities. Confidence is something that grows inside of you and stays with you as you advance as an individual. When you begin to understand exactly who you are and what you have to offer, your confidence increases, right alongside your abilities.
Confidence is intimidating.
I was reading an article on Forbes.com by Liz Ryan entitled, “Five Ways Haters Will Try To Destroy Your Confidence” a while back and she had some great points. One point that stuck out to me the most was that “people are going to hate you, even if they only met you one time and they only hate you because you evoke a fear of reaction in them.” Fearful people hate nothing so much as to have someone less fearful than themselves around”.
Loving yourself is a process and it is something that we should never stop working on. As your love for self grows, so will your confidence. No matter the background, race, or gender, we can all face and overcome our insecurities. Always remember, confidence attracts confidence and that comes from not only knowing, but loving yourself as well.
Until next time babies!
About the Author
Hey dolls, my name is Chalcia Nicholas aka Litaa. Born and raised on the beautiful island of St. Thomas (located in the United States Virgin Islands), I moved to Huntsville, Alabama in 2010 for college. In 2014 I graduated with my bachelors degree in Psychology with a concentration in Counseling and then my masters degree in Counseling Psychology in 2017. I am currently in cosmetology school, on track to become a licensed Cosmetologist by the end of this year. I plan to return to the counseling field and begin the steps necessary in order to obtain my counseling license. My goal is to be able to combine my two passions into one and give my clients the opportunity to experience either service (hair or therapy), or both at the same time. I want to create a space where therapy is enjoyable, something to look forward to. I am a visionary, a creative. Ive always walked my own path and marched to the beat of my own drum. I run a blog called “Litaa Says!” My blog is my baby, it is where I unload. Writing is very therapeutic for me. It keeps me on my toes, alert. I created www.asforlitaa.com in 2016 with no real goal in sight, but since then I’ve managed to keep it going and its been growing and improving ever since. I am currently running a series called “#SheInspiresMe” intended to showcase women (that I know personally) who inspire me and give them a chance to tell their stories, in hopes that they inspire someone else as well. (that was a mouthful lol)