So at my last job lunch time was therapy time. My friends and I would spend lunch discussing everything under the sun but in most cases we talked about…guys. We talked about current relationships, past relationships, why can’t we meet nice guys, why do we even care about guys, the list could go on and on. And since I deemed myself the “love doctor” I would give lunch and learns about various topics. That’s when I came up with the SCD Method. I came up with a way to properly “argue” with your mate. So I wanted to share that with everyone. It works! I’ve used it and some of my friends have used it. So are we crazy or is this pretty good method?
S is for Stop and Think
Ask yourself a few questions…
- Is this me?
- Sometimes we do get in moods. (I have my days where I just have an attitude) So ask yourself am I really bothered by this or am I just not having a good day.
- If it is you, take a chill pill. Do something for you to make yourself feel better.
- Have I mentioned this before?
- Now, this is the biggie. It’s one thing to be mad at him for repeat behavior but did he know he ever annoyed you, hurt you, etc. in the first place? (I will get pissed off and start giving serious attitude because this is his 3rd time he did something but he never knew it bothered me. So when I started yelling I have a buildup of frustration that he has no idea about.)
- So if this has happened before but you never addressed it then I encourage you to take a step back to think before you address it.
- Don’t Assume
- I don’t know about you ladies but I can make up entire scenes in my head before even talking to him. I’ve already assumed his responses and I’m ready for war. Stop don’t think anything just yet.
C is for Collect your thoughts
You need to be able to articulate what made you upset, why, and how to make things better. I think men are simple creatures and you should break it all the way down. Don’t just rant about why you are pissed off but offer a solution in the conversation. That is a way to have some accountability between you two moving forward.
D is for Delivery
- Try your best not to yell.
- In my experience once you start yelling they instantly get defensive. They want to defend whatever you are saying so in most occasions they are not really listening.
- Be cool and calm
- It’s amazing the response you can get when you are calm. Real conversations can happen without name calling or common phrases like “you’re overreacting, relax, and it’s not that serious”.
Now I have found this works on anyone. You could use this on your friends and lovers. Most of this is common knowledge but when you are mad or hurt common sense can go out the window. One of the most important things explaining the WHY. Don’t just say I’m mad but I am mad because I gave you my trust and when you lied to me you broke it. Trust is really important to me. So I need you to be honest even if the truth could hurt my feelings. (just an example)
Try and let me know if it works! If it doesn’t tell me why and let’s discuss.