Let’s start off with the definition of hypermasculinity so that we have a common baseline.
Hypermasculinity is described as a psychological term for the exaggeration of stereotypical male behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, and sexuality.
With the rise of consciousness, I feel like we all know how hypermasculinity hurts all men. If not, The Mask You Live In on Netflix serves as a perfect primer. The documentary takes a critical look at the effects our patriarchal society has on men. For example, men don’t feel comfortable sharing emotions because they’re worried about being perceived as “soft.” Peak masculinity can only be achieved in the absence of feminine qualities, which has resulted in men being conditioned to avoid this and many other behaviors.
In the black community, hypermasculinity is almost second nature. The common use of the terms “pause” and “sus” are prime examples of men being concerned about how words they say can be perceived incorrectly and/or used against them. This stems directly from slavery, where men who were too weak received more torture and harsher beatings in order to make them stronger. Because of how ingrained in our society it is, we can’t expect this change to happen overnight. So… I decided to take a different approach.
We know all men love head. If someone doesn’t, please let me know, because it’s truly uncommon. Anyways, I wanted to share four ways that hypermasculinity can keep you from being in a successful relationship and/or just getting some head.
- Being overly aggressive can turn many women away. Now, I know some men disguise aggression as confidence, but they are very different things. You can be confident about your aspirations and the things you want without being overly aggressive. Aggression in the form of violating personal space and autonomy is something women have been taught to escape from a young age. I remember being told, “don’t let boys get close without your permission… if you’re ever uncomfortable tell someone immediately.” On the other hand, we’re taught “a confident Prince Charming will one day sweep you off your feet, be attracted to this.” The difference is one of critical nuance, and as society progresses, women are growing more aware of how the fine line between assertiveness and abuse is often crossed. So, the first sign of too much aggression sends off red flags that will stop fellatio before you even get your zipper down.
- Dispassionate interactions can make women feel that you’re emotionless and cause us to distance ourselves. Communicating emotions and feelings is important in every relationship. While I must personally admit I’m not always the best at communicating emotions, lacking emotion and coldness is more often found amongst men. Don’t be afraid to say how you feel, even if the woman you’re dealing with doesn’t feel the same. Sometimes hearing the feelings of one person helps to make the other open up. It makes you no less of a man to openly express emotions. Both parties must be able to work together to communicate sentiments effectively. Like cum, emotions are better out than in.
- Resistance to experimentation in the bedroom (I know I’ll catch some flak for this one.) I’ve heard way too many men say they aren’t willing to try certain things in the bedroom because “it’s gay.” Now if you’ve tried something and know you don’t like it, cool, but otherwise, take a little time to really consider the reason behind your resistance. Nothing makes you “gay” except for being exclusively sexually or romantically intimate with persons of the same gender; that’s it. (I say exclusively intentionally due to the fluidity in sexuality; understanding it would help some be less hypermasculine; see the Kinsey Scale as a reference.) If your lady wants to try something with you, at least be open to hearing her out instead of instantly assuming she’s trying to emasculate you. Tank admittedly loves having his salad tossed, even put his legs up on The Breakfast Club show it. Head and salad tossing go well together.
- Forcing old gender roles can send women for the hills. Domestic duties are no longer just for women and the expectation that they should be is a major turn off. Don’t be “too manly” to cook dinner and/or wash the dishes. It makes you supportive, not suspect. Just as a woman taking out the trash doesn’t make her any less of a woman. Pick up where you can, do what you can, but don’t force your beliefs of what it means to be a woman on anyone else. Everyone defines gender differently; I personally believe it’s better to learn one another’s strengths before fabricating expectations. Because maybe she sucks dick better than she cooks.
I wanted to share these four common deterrents because I feel like sometimes they go unnoticed or we just succumb to what society tells us is right. We women also have to allow men to be less hypermasculine without questioning their sexuality. It’s a two-way street. You have to be willing to make the first step though, fellas, and allow yourselves some vulnerability. Help us help you get your dick sucked.