I have to start off and say if you are looking a for relationship this is the post for you. If you are just playing the field then save this for later. Have you been in a situation/relationship where you realized this isn’t the person for you? In the beginning it was cool or on the surface level he had the right qualities but it just wasn’t right? What do you really want? I listened to an interview with Jill Scott on the Breakfast Club. She spoke about having a guy who was everything she wanted but he wasn’t what she needed. That made me think a bit. What’s the difference?
Wants – I want to me is more of the surface level of traits. A guy that is tall, has a beard, rich, etc. Let’s keep it real you don’t need a tall guy. He doesn’t need to have a beard or muscles. It would be nice but those traits don’t equal a healthy relationship.
Needs – Needs are traits or characteristics that you need to maintain a healthy relationship. These are traits that you need to feel loved and secure. This is the most important category. A guy that shares the same religion, who is affectionate, or easily express emotions could be need examples.
Everyone wants and needs vary but it’s important to be honest with yourself. I always say I want a man with a coin but I don’t need a rich man. I need a financially stable man and to be stable doesn’t mean you have 3 million in the bank (It would be nice though). The next step is asking you yourself can you deliver on theses things yourself. If you’re asking for affection, can you give it? If you’re asking for an honest guy, can you keep it real?
It’s important to know what you want and need when it comes to love. No need to waste your time or his. Be realistic when making your list. The list is a guide not the law. No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.
Love is a battlefield, I say be prepared! Right now, I want you to write out your wants and needs. On our next podcast, I’ll have an exercise for us all to do.