STOP SELLING DREAMS!!! YES I’M YELLING because I’m sick and tired of hearing people complain about a partner or potential partner wanting “too much.” Now you might be asking, “What is selling dreams? It sounds like a good thing.” But oh no my friend, it’s not. I’ll depend on the always faithful Urban Dictionary to inform you of the definition.
1. The act of promising with no intent to act on it.
2. To intentionally deceive.
Guy: Hey boo we going to the show tonight?
Guy: What time you want me to come get you?
Girl: I don’t know yet, I’ll call you when I’m ready.
Guy: Don’t be selling dreams, you know I’m trying to get up with you.
*girl never calls and usually turns her phone off*
How Dreams are Sold
The dream market is a place full of unicorns, fairy dust, closet monsters; where girls and boys barter and trade for items who’s intent is not completely clear. Ok seriously, dreams are usually sold when words don’t match actions. Most often it’s when your actions go beyond that of which your words said they would. However, it can also be when your words go beyond your actions.
Look at a f*ck buddy (hopefully I don’t have to define this;) they have one purpose and one purpose only. If they start to go above and beyond the boundaries of that title, their partner may think that they’ve started to take things to the next level. For example, getting them flowers on Valentine’s Day is ONE BIG NO. If you don’t want me to think we’ll eventually live happily ever after, then it’s best for you to not even act like it’s a holiday. Don’t mention it, don’t act different, literally nothing.
And when it’s not a holiday, don’t assume we’ll be going on nice dates or doing fun activities. NO NO NO. The confines of this relationship are between the sheets, in our backseats, and maybe a hotel suite. That’s it. Now this doesn’t mean you have free reign to be disrespectful; this just means we both need to stay in our lanes. If we ever want to switch lanes, that needs to be an open and honest conversation between both parties.
These Dreams Ain’t Free
Dream selling always comes with a cost, either you lose a friend or your tires get slashed. Yup, no in between; these are the consequences. Deal with it. How do you think it makes us feel? We’re confused because you’re saying “No, I don’t want to be in a relationship.” But on Friday, you’re asking if I want to go to dinner and a movie. Excuse me sir, but you’re crossing a line. And since everyone believes “actions speak louder than words,” of course I’m going to believe he’s changing for me. BS! He’s not sweetheart. He’s just a grade-A dream seller.
Now yes, I realize I said “he,” but don’t get it twisted women can be dream sellers too. We catch men in our web of dreams just as well as men. If you know a man is interested in dating you and you continue to lead him on, you’re selling him dreams. He’s taking you out in the hopes that one day you’ll eventually give him a chance. It hurts them too, ladies.
Selling dreams causes hurt and confusion, which sometimes causes people to act out. Not saying it’s right, just saying don’t be surprised.
I’ve sold and have been sold dreams and honestly both sides feel just as bad after it’s all over and done with. After selling dreams, I’ve realized my wrongdoing and just thought to myself “they didn’t deserve that.” I began to look at why I decided to take that route, instead of being upfront and honest about my expectations. What I’ve found for me personally is that it comes from places of uncertainty and insecurity. These are both feelings that are completely acceptable to have, however, it is your responsibility to share these feelings with whomever you’re dealing with. Open lines of communications solve all problems. Yes, even for f*ck buddies.
So I challenge you to ensure that your actions match your words and that you’re always cautious of how you treat others because believe me it will come back to haunt you.
If you have stories and/or outcomes from dream selling that you’re willing to share please comment, so we can share in Dreamcatcher’s Tales.