I read a blog post “16 People Open Up About Why They Stay In Relationships Even When They’re Unhappy“.
I can’t say I was shocked but reading why these people stay in these unhealthy relationships was sad. They know they are not happy but they stay for comfort, for the kids, money, etc. I am reading this like “wow, seriously how could you stay”. Here are the ones that stood out to me the most.
“I don’t think I could find someone else to love me. He was my first real boyfriend and it took me long enough to find him, so I’m not sure that anyone else could love me and then I’d really end up alone.” – Bridgette, 29
“Financial stability is probably the reason I stay. I don’t know what I’d do without my husband. He keeps track of everything, I can’t tell you the last time I worried about money on my own. And if I left I’d have to find a much better job to support myself.” – Tracey, 31
“I’ve already been with him for so long I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore to leave. We’ve built a life together, have kids, I know what I’m getting when I’m with him and I’ve accepted it. I might not be really happy, but is anyone?” – Jane, 34
“I stay because if I didn’t I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Everything is in his name, including our house and credit cards. I don’t know the first thing I’d do if I left because I’ve been dependent on him for so long. If I started over, I’d be starting from nothing and that’s a scary thought.” – Maria, 40
“At this point I’m just scared to live without him or realize I made a mistake. I’ve done everything with him for so long it’s hard to imagine not having him by my side. Even though we rarely have good times together and the spark died out a while ago, he’s my comfort and that’s why I stay.” – Alyssa, 30
Staying for the Kids
Now, I do not have kids but I know how important it is to be raised in a positive, loving environment. It’s nature vs. nurture, where I believe both impacts the human being you are raising. I don’t believe you should stay for the kids. You may think you are doing them justice but depending on how unhealthy the relationship is you could be doing more harm than good. Often times, the way they see love being sent and received is the same behavior that they could have themselves. Seeing a happy mommy and daddy even if they live separately is better.
Be independent! I always think you should have your own. It may not be as much as your partner’s but you should have enough to support yourself because you just never know. He or she could lose their job and then what would you do? They could up and leave you, and you would still be screwed. Don’t let anybody have that type of control over you.
While being comfortable with your partner is a good thing. You should feel comfortable to express yourself, to have discusses, etc. However, being so comfortable where you are with them just cause its convenient is not good. When Alyssa said “Even though we rarely have good times together and the spark died out a while ago”, and yet she stays because ultimately its easy. A part of being in a relationship, is sharing your life the intimate part of yourself (body, mind, soul). Why share it with someone where the spark has died. You deserve the spark and happy times. Are we that afraid of being alone? Is it the fear that we may not find someone else? I have the same fears but I refuse to stay in a relationship where I am unhappy and unfulfilled. We have to value ourselves and acknowledge that we deserve true happiness.
Love is an amazing thing when you have found the right person. I great relationship can add so much joy and happiness to your live. We get one life, so why spend it unhappy with someone. Is it just to say you have someone? Because it means nothing if you can’t depend on the person. It means nothing if you are unhappy. It means nothing if they don’t love you the way you deserve. Stop settling just say you have someone. Don’t settle because that’s your child’s father. Does it suck to start over? Yup it does. At times it necessary because the relationship is over. It is also a great time to self-reflect and grow within yourself. I am only 24 and read these experiences and feel like there is more to life and love. So I urge others my age older or younger not to settle just to have the convenience of “having someone”.